This whole brain injury world was so foreign to me. I was constantly trying to read doctors and nurses faces and gestures for any sign…trying to calculate if what Corey was doing was normal, expected, shocking, concerning.
There would be many times to come in the hospital where the nurses, therapists or doctors would be surprised by what Corey did or did not do. Many times they were pleasant surprises. As was the case for this particular journal entry…
July 12, 2011:
We’re in the latter part of the day. I’m waiting to go back to see you for the 5:00 visit. It’s been a pretty good day.
During the last visiting hours, you woke up again. You looked at me as I was talking to you. You had a look on your face that made me think you recognized me. You were awake for what seemed like a long time (probably 2 minutes). Visiting hours ended, and I had to leave. I let go of your hand and you reached for my hand again. So, I of course stayed a little while longer. 🙂
O.k. a lot has happened since the above paragraph. I went back for the 5:00 visiting hours and you had several nurses and doctors around your room. A lot of commotion. My heart stopped! They said I couldn’t come in and that I had to wait in the hall. You had pulled out your breathing tube.
I was so shook up and full of fear, I left the ICU area, found a quiet corner and broke down crying. My dad found me and was trying to console me. While making our way back, your nurse came looking for me. She knew I was scared and wanted to let me know this was a good thing.
Then the respiratory therapist came out and told me the same thing. He said they were all trying to figure out how you did that. Your hands are restrained (with ties on your wrist) to keep you from pulling things out. So, you had to shimmy down your bed, to somehow free your hands. The awesome part about all of it…thought and purpose had to go into it!! You knew what you wanted and you did it!! Amazing!
They are now watching you for a while to see how you do without the ventilator. If you do well, they won’t put it back in. The tricky part will be, if you can maintain your breathing while you’re sleeping.
After that emotional ride, I had another good visit with you. You were awake different times, smiled a few times, wouldn’t wiggle your toes on command. But you did twist my wedding ring–just like you do when we’re in the car and you’re holding my hand!! Oh my, so overwhelmed with emotion! I love you honey!