The days were so long following Corey’s accident. So long and so tiresome. Funny how you can sit and do pretty much nothing all day, except for worry, and feel like you ran a marathon. So exhausting!! But then I would get home and although I was completely drained, I could not fall asleep. My mind was still running the marathon.

July 11, 2011:

Another long day. More progress was made. Things continue to look good. Breathing well; Blood pressure is good; ICP levels continue to stay low (below 20).

But the days take so much out of me. I’m hardly moving around, but exhausted by the end of the day. Amazing what stress can do to you.

The respiratory therapist (RT) came in to suction out your mouth (routine) and you did not like it. It really made you more aware of bothersome machines, like the respiratory tube going down your throat. You opened your eyes, reached for the RT, sounded like you were gagging. Things were beeping, levels were going up and of course I was a wreck. You were doing everything hoped for. But I had a very hard time seeing you SO uncomfortable and reacting with such agitation.

So, the next time they came in to suction you, I stepped out till they were finished. They ended up increasing your sedation for a little while after that. (They had decreased it earlier today; before this happened). The RT gave you a little oxygen and some morphine to help you get comfortable again.

But the positive in all of it—you are responding to pain. :) Praise God!! Another step in the right direction.

Another event that happened today…During non-visiting hours, I was out in the lobby with lots of family and friends, when I got called back to your area. My heart stopped with worry. And my mind raced with, “What bad news are they about to tell me?”

But when I got back there, all they  needed was my insurance information. I had to tell her to give me a moment to regain my composure, because I thought I was coming back to hear bad news.

When we went out to the lobby to get my insurance card, everyone in our group was standing in a circle praying (which we’ve done numerous times). The lady was somewhat taken back by the scene. I told her, “They were worried I was going back there for bad news too.” By this time everyone was relieved and laughing, including the billing lady, when dad says, “We prayed it would be free.” The billing lady didn’t miss a beat and said, “It will all be up to this card.” Kind of a funny moment. A much needed funny moment. :)

I’m going to get some sleep now. My Xanax I started taking will give me 4 hours of a dreamless, deep sleep. And then like clockwork I will wake up at 4am and toss and turn. Wrestling with my thoughts, fears, sadness, and exhaustion. I dread the night time.