A new year!! Every time we turn the calendar to a new year, my counting starts at 2011. It’s as if 2011 is when it all began for Corey and me and our family. In 2011 we basically reset. Many memories were lost and new memories were found.
As we get further away from 2011, I forget more and more of who Corey was and I’m realizing a newfound love for who he is now. It’s hard to let go of the past and feel it slipping away. But it’s also necessary for true healing to take place.
I was told, many times, from the very beginning of this journey…”Five years. Once you get to five years out, it will all look so different and things will be so much better.” Back then five years felt like an eternity and I wanted desperately to fast-forward life.
Then five years became my magic number…I just need to get to five years. And now here we are heading into year five…and I can look back and see progress at the end of each year. Progress in Corey’s recovery, in our marriage, in reconnecting and relearning each other, in our family and how we interact and handle these changes…Progress that couldn’t happen over night. It happened over the course of five years. Each year becoming better than the last year. I can’t wait to look back over the next five years. God is faithful and His timing is perfect!
July 12, 2011:
Oh Lord, forgive me for such little faith. Why do I doubt you? You have shown me amazing miracles and progress in these last 72 hours. I am so grateful and stand amazed at what you have done! But tonight, I am full of doubt and fear:
Will he walk? Talk? Will his mind be restored to the fullest? Does he really know who I am? Will he remember the kids? Will his right side be restored? Can he see? Can he hear? Is he following commands? (one moment, I’m told he is, the next I’m told he’s not).
Oh Lord, what an emotional rollercoaster this is. I know you are literally carrying me!
It is all so surreal. I still don’t think it has caught up with me. Father, I know the fears and doubts don’t come from you. I know your awesome power because I have seen it firsthand. I know you are moving swiftly in all of this. We just got past 72 hours today–a very crucial number!! So many miracles!!
You are amazing God! You are the same God who raised Lazarus from the grave. The same God who healed the blind man. The same God who parted the Red Sea and on and on.
The same God who proved the doctors and paramedics wrong when they said Corey probably wouldn’t make it. The same God who has the hospital buzzing about the miracle that Corey is. The same God who gave Corey the strength to pull out his breathing tube today, bewildering the doctors on how he was able to do that.
God you never change!! So when the doubts and fears creep in, please help me to have faith that can move a mountain! Because right now it is pushing the size of a mustard seed.
Lord, be with Corey tonight and give him good rest. Help his breathing to be very good. Give him peace in this situation. Help him to not be afraid. I saw his tears tonight while I was talking to him and it broke my heart.
Help his levels to all stay where they need to be and the swelling to continue to go down.
Father, restore his mind and his body fully. I pray Lord that even the doctors will be amazed at his progress. Lord, show your glory in the fullest! Let this be an amazing testimony.
I trust you Lord and know your will is higher than mine. I’m just asking you as a daughter to her daddy….Please daddy, please restore my husband fully to who he was and so much more. We promise to give you all the praise and all the glory!
