Five Years. Today we hit the “magic” number. While Corey was in the hospital, I was told over and over…In five years: Your marriage and life will have found its new normal. The healing will be done and all of this will look very different. Give it five years. But my mind was screaming back, “I don’t want a new normal. I want what I had before this awful day of July 9, 2011.” But I held onto that hope of 5 years. The hope of knowing the sadness wouldn’t last forever. The hope of knowing God had a plan and was answering prayers.
Five years ago we had a decision to make. Attend my 20-year high school reunion or go to the lake. We chose the lake. Didn’t seem like a big life-changing decision at the time. But on that gorgeous Saturday morning (much like today) that decision set the course for a new path in our lives. Sometimes, unwillingly, my mind goes to the “what-ifs”…How different our lives would look. The “what-ifs” and the “shoulda, woulda, coulda’s” can be so cruel. They used to creep in quite often. But time has definitely helped with keeping them at bay.
So today, here we are…Five years. “They” were right, things look very different from what they did 5 years ago. So many changes. So many things we are grateful for. Our lives have found a new normal. Corey has made great strides in his healing. We are very thankful he’s still here with us.
Our marriage is finding the new normal. I prayed fervently that Corey would not become angry or hit a wall of depression, as I had heard was so common following a brain injury. And I am so very thankful, God answered that prayer tenfold! Corey has so much kindness and love in his heart. A strong commitment and dedication towards the kids and me. He’s a good man.
God has answered so many of my prayers following Corey’s accident. From one of the many beginning prayers of, “God, please let him remember who we are.” To the prayer of, “Please let him walk and talk again.” To the prayer of, “Please restore our family.” And the list goes on and on…. But there is one prayer that I believe God is going to answer. For whatever reason, He has not answered it yet. But I refuse to lose hope…”Restore my marriage.” I’m not sure what that looks like. But, I am sure that part of the reason it has not happened, is because I stand in the way. Refusing to let go of the past Corey. It’s so hard to let go. Time does fade the memories, but it doesn’t heal the heart. I know God has more for our marriage. I will continue to be persistent in this prayer.
On that day, five years ago and many days following, I wondered how I could ever have joy again. I was in such a dark place and could not see even a shimmer of light at the end of the long tunnel. But thankfully, God doesn’t keep us there forever. There is hope even in our darkest hours. There is joy waiting for us.