It’s amazing how quickly a hospital setting can become your norm. I felt so out of my element when I would venture out into the real world. To be honest, I would avoid it as much as possible. I wanted to be at the hospital, where all the nurses knew our story, where everyone was there trying to get better, where pain and sadness was the norm. I know it sounds so depressing and maybe a little (maybe a lot) hard to understand. But in the hospital was where my story was. Out in the world, everyone was happy and doing life. I didn’t fit in.
My emotions were such a mess, I knew I could break down crying at any time. My tears were not shy and had no prejudice as to where I was. When I would try to do normal things, it felt so strangely abnormal. Through the encouragement of my family and friends I would force myself to step WAY out of my new “comfort” zone and do life. In the beginning, I hated it. But as with most things, the more I forced myself to do it, the more natural it felt.
July 22, 2011:
Today has been a busy day from the start. First off we went down to the Rehab floor for a tour. Because that’s where you are moving to today!! So happy to be making this transition!! Upon returning to your room, you stayed in your wheelchair till after lunch. Probably a good 2 hours…that’s great!
I helped feed you your lunch. However, you did a lot of it on your own. I had to carefully watch that you didn’t take too big of bites or eat too fast. You loved the ice cream. Which is interestingly called “magic cream” because it doesn’t melt.
After lunch you took a nap. I took a nap. And my mom read the big, intimidating brain injury manual. Such a great read. 😉 Not really! Lots of scary stuff in there. 😐
A little later OT came in for some therapy and you kept falling asleep. You were exhausted. She did not give up on you though. No rest for the weary!! 🙂 Following that session, we made the big move!! We are now in Rehab!! Let the work begin!! Another step in the right direction–Thank you Jesus!
Everyday you continue to show me signs that you are in there. Today you even chuckled a few times. It’s so good to hear any sound coming out of your mouth. It encourages me. 🙂
Tonight I left the hospital a little early and went home to be with the kids. We had a movie night. As usual, kind of an ordeal getting everyone to agree on a movie. Finally we ended up watching Gnomeo & Juliet. This was another hard step for me. I missed not having you down there with me, telling me to come sit by you.
It was somewhat of a love story (hence the name:) ). Even though it was animated, it made me sad when they kissed. I know that sounds cheesy, but I miss your kisses and talking to you. Oh how I miss our talks!! 🙁
Once it was finally time to go to bed, I was so “happy” and so ready. Bedtime has become my favorite time of the day. I can sleep and my mind stops running like crazy. Mornings are my worse time. I dread getting out of bed, feeling so weak and defeated. All the fears creep in. I have a verse I just start claiming every time fear gets the best of me…Philippians 4:8: Whatever is true, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–think on these things. Over and over again.
I pray on the way to the hospital for God to give me strength and usually by the time I get to your room, I’m feeling better. I know God is carrying me through this. I can’t imagine how people go through something like this without God.
Thank you Jesus for walking me through this and carrying me ALOT of the time.