Following Corey’s accident, the days were so surreal. Most of the time I felt like I was in a fog and often time…another world. My thoughts throughout so many of those days were…is this really my reality?
I remember sitting outside the hospital, in the hot summer heat (one of the hottest summer’s on record), with my mom. I laid my head on her lap, like I used to do when I was a child. Oh how, I would have given anything to go back to my childhood days at that moment. When life was simple and my mom’s touch made everything better. I longed for “simple” again.
I remember telling my mom, “I just want to take the kids and go somewhere far away from all of ‘this’….And come back when it’s all ‘over’–whatever that looks like.” As if I could escape the pain and turmoil whirling around in my life. As if a different location could change my circumstances.
That was a hard day. There were several hard days. But that one sticks out much more vividly in my mind. The reality that this was our new life, was hitting me hard.
July 11, 2011…
Sitting here next to your hospital bed. It is all so surreal. I’m waiting for you to pinch me any moment and let me know this is all just a very bad dream.
I’m learning more and more everyday about all of these machines and what they indicate. Sometimes I wish I didn’t know the reason for their beeps or what the numbers mean.
I find myself obsessed with your ICP (intracranial pressure) levels. The doctor wants them under 20. Today they have been staying under that mark, but every time they spike a little, I freak out a little. Good thing they’re not monitoring my ICP’s, because they’re probably through the roof!! Oh. The. Stress!!
I just got done talking to your nurse, Kristy, and she said she’s started lowering your sedation. With the goal to wean you from it. Which is very good! But it is another part that makes me nervous. Because the next step is waking up–I’m so scared!
Oh my gosh!! You just woke up!! I literally finished writing that last sentence and you woke up. You started kind of coughing and Kristy was in here at her computer and came to suction you out. And you opened your eyes! And moved your head! Praise God!!!
She told you to open your eyes again and you did! She told you to wiggle your toes, but you wouldn’t do that. So she started tickling your left side and you reached over to her and made her stop. Then you grabbed my hand and squeezed it!! Amazing! Thank you! You made my day!!