So, this was my post a few weeks back. It has been sitting in “draft” mode waiting for me to hit “publish.” I neglected to do that right away for a couple reasons…1. time got away from me and I wasn’t able to type out the journal entry portion of this post before we left for Spring Break. 2. after reading through this a few times, I felt like I had allowed myself to be too vulnerable. But the truth is, there are hard days still. Just like in any marriage, we have our ups and downs. I decided to go ahead and hit publish on this one. But I encourage you to be sure to peek in at the next post where you’ll see the upside of our ups and downs.
This morning I had one of those moments when you wake up and think, why did I do that? Last night Corey and I were heading back from taking Auston to the airport in Chicago . We sat in silence (minus the radio) for a LONG time. This is kind of the norm. But, as it does sometimes, it started to eat at me and I said some things that weren’t very nice. Bottom line is I was frustrated and sad that this is where we are.
I told you, friends, I was going to be honest with you in my blogging and well, here we are. The real, hard truth is there are days that kick me in the butt. Days when I dwell on what we used to be. Days when I miss our easy conversations. We used to talk all the time and had such a connection. Before Corey’s accident we knew each other on a different level than just the surface. Now I feel like we’re trying to find that connection again and when you mix in difficulty in understanding language and the challenges of short term memory loss, it can be draining.
It would be much easier to just say, this is where we are and to throw in the towel and give up on even trying for “better.” Many would say it would be easier to give up on the marriage completely. And maybe it would….were it not for a promise we made 20 years ago to each other and God. God did not promise us an easy road. In fact there is a gloomy side of the coin in our vows..For richer and poorer, In health and sickness, For better and for worse.
In this journey I am learning ALOT!! But one thing that continues to resonate is, it is not about me!! God is so faithful! When I read the journal entry for today, it was the entry for the first time Corey spoke following his accident. I fervently prayed for this day. I feared he would never speak again. I needed to read this entry today. It puts things in a different perspective for me. And makes me see how far we have come. God is the same God now as He was five years ago… He is still answering prayers.
July 23, 2011…
Well, today was a big day!! Your 1st full day of rehab!! You did awesome!
Started out with OT: getting dressed-which you primarily did on your own.
Then you had ST (speech): I think speech will be your harder area. It was the area of your brain most affected by the injury, I believe. You did o.k. in speech. She held up a word written down and then gave you 2 pictures to choose from–you chose the right one both times. You mouthed the word, “yes,” (with a whisper) a couple times. You copied your name after your therapist had written it. Forgot the “r”–COEY. But we were happy with it. 🙂
Finished with PT (physical therapy): You’re moving your right arm more and more. We played a game swatting a balloon back and forth. You’re moving your wheelchair better on your own too.
Alright, it’s killing me…I’m saving the best for last…When I got to your room this morning, you were wide awake and very alert. You started trying to take off your leg pumps and I told you not to. You had a big smile on your face and a look of “I’m going to.” And then…you SPOKE to me!!!! You said, “Yes, ____ _____.” I couldn’t make out the last 2 words. But I was so excited! I looked at you and got right up to you and said, “You just talked to me.” And you kind of laughed/kind of looked at me like I was crazy. 🙂
It was awesome! Once again, God came through! Yet another miracle.
A friend from church called me after she saw the news posted all over Facebook. She said a group of them had come up last night and anointed your room and prayed over you. They prayed for healing, protection and peace. So when she saw that this had happened, she was so excited at what God had done so quickly.
I am on cloud 9! Best day!!
